LOVE ON A ROTTEN DAY by Hazel Dixon-Cooper

Author:Hazel Dixon-Cooper
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: A Fireside Book

’Til Death Do Us Part

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home one day and found me in bed with her.

LENNY BRUCE (O CTOBER 13 )

Catching One

Think “we” when you set your sights on Libra. This is the sign of partnership and whether it’s for an hour, or a lifetime, Libra needs to think that you are constantly thinking about him or her. Libras obsess about whether or not you are obsessing over them, and frequently sulk if they think you are thinking of anything else—like whether or not you need surgery.

The best way to get one interested is to titillate with lots of flattery that’s short on sincerity and long on sexual innuendo. Libra will know that it’s bullshit, but will still think you are after his or her body. They can’t help it. All Libras were born with their vain-meter stuck on nauseate.

This includes a fetish for their looks. To impress this appearance-wacky sign on the first date, bring along a small tote filled with lotion, cologne, a comb, mirror (a must), tweezers, mouthwash, and a portable hair dryer you can plug into the car’s cigarette lighter. Libra will adore that you are prepared to preen as much as he or she does and it won’t cross that scattered little brain that you are just trying to get laid. This is one sign that will lie down for the perfunctory “I love you,” even if it’s for a quickie in the backseat while the band’s on break.

Libras like low lighting that flatters the complexion, shades of blue and lavender, and to dance. That’s why so many hang out in bars. Venus gave Libra her hand mirror and a taste for luxury. Libra was so engrossed in kissing the mirror that Venus’ sense of perception flew right out the window. That’s the reason Libra equates flattery with refinement, and expensive with good taste.

This social sign will appreciate dinner at the trendiest restaurant you can afford and dancing afterward at the hottest spot in town. You must take extra care with your personal appearance as well. Torn Levis and a Grateful Dead T-shirt may suit a comatose Pisces or a combat-boot wearing Capricorn, but Libra insists on style. Of course, Libra equates style with substance, so it doesn’t matter if you are Freddie the Forger, as long as you are dressed to kill and know the maître d’ personally.

When you are ready to bed-boogie, remember Hollywood and set the scene. Wine, candlelight, or a blue nightlight glowing softly will loosen Libra’s libido. Play a sexy CD and slow dance around the apartment. When you head for the sheets, make sure you aren’t ripping off either his or her clothes, or yours. Take it slow and easy and use a light touch. Even male Libras don’t like to be manhandled.

Libras like sexy, not trashy (this isn’t Gemini) talk in bed, but don’t ask too many questions, especially if it’s your first encounter. Libras are great at small talk, but have a rotten time discussing their real feelings.

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